Life is All abOut…

Brian Littrell - Welcome Home You
From the album Welcome Home You

When I left home to be who I am
Some people said “no way”
But I laid it all down, gave everything
In my head rang the words that my Father said
You’re never far
I will be where you are
And when you come to Me
I will open My arms

Chorus:
Welcome home, you
I know you by name
How do you do?
I shine because of you today
So come and sit down
Tell me how you are
I know, son, it’s good just to see your face

When I look at you holding my heart
I will give to you all that I have
Son, I know there’ll be times you will feel all alone
I will share with you the words my Father said
You’re never far
I will be where you are
And when you come to Me
You can bet I will open My arms

Chorus:

So I’ll be waiting for that day
Just to feel Your warm embrace
Your love has shown I will never be alone
For You will welcome me home
I’ll forever be, for you will say to me
Welcome home

Chorus:

When I left home to be who I am
Some people said “no way”

Wow.. the outing was super cekap la!!

The NeriNUTs’ outing…

The 2006 Neriton family had a wonderful outing, although there were a few of them who couldnt make it.. aww, I miz them la. Su yen came all the way from Alor Setar.. wai sing and I went down to KL from Ipoh. Jun came fr kajang.. then Papa Yu Soon, Chris, Mel.. and the Grandmas!! We stayed in Jason’s place in Serdang, had luch together in Jason’s house. His mum cooked for us wei,ha.. Yo, Mr Pink Pig, thanx wei!

We went to many places  la, having a great time. We went for movie — Superman Returns, went for Ice skating, kayaking, window shopping, photo taking, makaning.. went to Christopher’s birthday party.. And congratulation to fellow NeriNuts who took part in the B.H.D. - Bring Him (Christopher) Down Operation. Well, Chris, now u noe how much we love u! hhahhah.. Besides that, a few of us went to Banting to kacau my darling, Miss Adelene on friday afternoon. Jun drove us up to Bukit Jugra where Chris asked Su yen to take a few ’siao’ pictures of him.

It feels so cekap to be able to meet with the family again, fellowship with one another… macam balik to the 3 weeks camp in Cameron. I really enjoyed the time we got to spend together, even though itz just a few days. Aww… all the sweet memories..

BantiNg

Hmm.. after the family outing, I followed Jun go back to Banting again. Well.. again, itz another cekap experience staying in Banting for 2 days ++. I visited Banting Chinese Methodist Church on Sunday morning, played Captain Ball with the church members there in the evening, together with Jun n Adelene. The 3 of us went for bowling, makan, shopping.. Wow, Jun n Adelene, really thanx a lot for taking me around banting. Itz a nice place la, although that "uncle chris" always complains that there’s no life in Banting. hahaha..

Sunset at Pantai Morib — aww, so so so so nice wei…. 

PJ

I’m back in PJ this morning. Now I’m in B208. Just now I went for jogging with Erica. Kinda tired oso la… Aww, I miz Just Kick It n Queue Ping pong la..

WC

Kinda sad la, England is out.. aww…

UM

The new academic year is starting soon..

JH  

R u ready for this new semester, this new academic year….?

Yo.. can’t wait to make my way back to KL.. sounds weird, coz usually I’ll try to stay in IPOh as long as I can, not wanting to leave this place.
Hmm..

Oh ya.. MY PET — MOMO, passed away this morning.. Argh.. quite sad la, coz itz such a cute thing. I started rearing it last wednesday. Well, want to noe what is it? Itz actually a CATERPILLAR I found in the house compound. Haha.. it was a bright yellow caterpillar, about 3cm long, super hairy.. that’s why I called it "MOMO". Aww.. it’s so so so cute! Hmm, it’s very fun seeing it crawling up n down.. tried to feed it with all kinds of leaves I can find in my house compound. Aww, I miz my pet.. Oh.. my MOMO…

The past one week.. some things that happened caused me headache.. frustration.. kinda demoralizing.. but I think itz good for me, helped me to see a little bit more about myself. A lot of issues I need to settle, there r things which I need to struggle and to overcome. There are questions which I need to answer.

Sometimes I did feel that God just simply dumped me in a difficult situation and left me there. But as I think a bit deeply, will I be able to go thru’ the situations if GOd just left me there and walked away?
SOmetimes, I grumbled, I complained, I doubted, I was fearful.. I realised many times I have acted like a senseless animal in front of Him.

HE is a faithful God, who never gives up on me. HE loves me.  And HE is asking me to love HIM with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.. And to love my neighbour as myself..

WALK the 2nd MiLe…. itz not so much about my ability. Itz more about my availability.. Am I willing to do it? Am I willing to make myself available to be used by HIM in HIS ways?

*Nick Lachey

Watched my life pass me by -- in the rearview mirrorPictures frozen in time -- are becoming clearerI don't wanna waste another day -- stuck in the shadow of my mistakes -- yeah

(Chorus)

Cause I want you -- and I feel you -- crawling underneath my skinLike a hunger, like a burnin -- to find a place I've never beenNow I'm broken, and I'm faded -- I'm half the man I thought I would beBut you can have -- what's left of me.

(Verse 2)

I've been dying inside -- little by littleNowhere to go -- I'm goin outta my mindAn endless circle -- runnin from myself untilYou gave me a reason for standing still

(Chorus)

And I want you -- and I feel you -- crawling underneath my skinLike a hunger, like a burnin -- to find a place I've never beenNow I'm broken, and I'm faded -- I'm half the man I thought I would beBut you can have -- what's left of me.

(Hook)

Fallin' faster -- barely breathingGive me somethin to believe inTell me it's not all in my head*pause*Take what's left of this manMake me whole once again

(Chorus)

Cause I want you -- and I feel you -- crawling underneath my skinA hunger, like a burnin -- to find a place I've never beenNow I'm broken, and I'm faded -- I'm half the man I thought I would beYou can have, all that's left, (yeah, yeah, yeah) what's left of me

(Outro)

I've been dying inside you seeI'm goin outta my mind (outta my mind, outta my mind, outta my mind)I'm just runnin' in circles all the timeWill you take what's left? x3 -- of meI'm just runnin' in circles in my mindWill you take what's left? x3 -- of meTake what's left of me

I like this song.. some parts of it kinda resonates with what I'm going thru'.

Hmm…. didn’t update my blog for quite some time.. dunno why la, a bit lazy to blog..
Still in Ipoh… ‘decaying’?? No la. ‘Enjoying’?? OK saje la.

I m caught with this question — what is the thing I really want to do in life?
I feel.. Itz kinda pathetic.. sad.. for someone who have spent 2 years in F6 and one year in uni still unable to answer this question…

Life is short..

What do I want to do in life?!

What kind of life I want?!

What kind of working environment am I looking for?!

Do I have any goals or dreams?! If yes, then what is it?!

I’m confused…… argh… since the beginning of 2006……

When the our desires clashes with will of God.. someone has to die…. Are we the ’someone’? Or are we trying to make Him to be the ‘Someone’?

Hmmm….. yesterday n today…… muahahaha.. had a cekap time with friends from KL.. they are here in IPoh for 2 days, going back to KL tmrow morning after breakfast. WEll well.. we went to a lot of places.. did a lot of things.. now u may wonder.. IPOH.. a place like Ipoh.. where can u go? what can u do?

Hmmm….  we went for karaoke.. sang for 5 hours!! haha.. we had 5 hours of fun singing at the top of our voice.. laughing.. singing some funny funny oldies… gila-ing.. we oso went for bowling.. went to all those gua-gua thingy. And of coz.. went to some cekap places to makan la. Wow.. itz super tiring coz of all the traveling.. in n out from the car.. under the super hot sun.. sigh.. still adapting to the hot weather in Ipoh.. as if I’m not from Ipoh.. der..

Aiseh.. tmrow the Neri-neritites  in KL will be going for outing.. argh.. family outing wei.. aiyor.. some of us terpaksa miss the outing.. hey, come to Ipoh la.. !! Mama misses u guys wei!!

Besides all this fun fun time with friends…. erm.. there are things I need to settle. Sigh..

What ‘little faith’ I have!

Argh.. boring betul.. staying at home.. helping out in the restaurant.. aiseh..
Online.. alomost everyday.. boring..
Wanted to continue reading the book Finding Faith.. but I found myself finding the time to read..
Hmm.. time should not be a problem.. coz I felt that I’m actually quite free..
Argh.. what’s wrong with me?
I guess..
*I’m still suffering from post camp syndrome.. today is sunday.. a day to do Summary n Reflection when I was in Camp Cam.
*I’m busy with ‘nothing’..
But then.. what about Junior Visitation? Haih..
Junior Visitation..
*I’m getting worried.. about this thing.. coz I dunno what can I do now.. dunno what I should be doing now.. All I can do is to post, post, and post at the Yahoo Group to ask if there’s anyone interested.

Haih.. susahnya.. what a worrier i m..

Hmm.. just feel like blogging.. argh.. forget about setting a new blogspot.. lazy la.
ALmost a week in Ipoh..  I have been writing journal since .. not long la.. April.. HAha.. Camp CAm is the peak of journaling..
LAst few nights.. spent some time reading thru my notes n journals.. reflected on things happened thru’out the 3 weeks there..
I had a fun time there.. learning, discovering, thinking, reflecting..

We had a great time together as the Neriton family — family sharing time.. games(haha.. talking about games.. reminded me of the family spirit during queue pingpong n Just kick it).. leisure.. outing(all sorts of gila photos we took).. all the Camp Specials — Surivivor!,World Students Week (Romania….), and the mime.. Expressions — The Prince of Egypt (for me) n The Camp Cam Idols.. hmm, wat else.. huh..

Itz kinda hard to ’swallow’.. after going thru’ the Redeeming Relationship with God n Self.. one question really disturbed me –  "Who am I?". After so many years, now only I started to ask myself ‘who am I’, ‘who is the real me?’.. The Discovering  Personal Mission n Ministry is the session I kinda ‘takut’.. coz I have to crack my head to think.. to discover what is in me, my strengths n weaknesses.. Yes, I wanted to face my real self.. but sometimes.. ‘lazy’ n just couldn’t muster the courage to do so. At times, I found myself just going along the flow.. BUt, nonetheless.. what I did in Camp was a good start.. a journey back to my true self.. a journey back to God.

Discovery channels.. various sessions of The Kingdom of God.. reminded me of things which I’ve overlooked. God  will never give up on me..  He is much much much bigger than me, my mistakes.

Redeeming Relationship with God n Self, Family, Friends, Opposite Gender, and Courtship.. Hmm.. I really learned a lot.. it helped me to see things in a new perspective.. it helped me to find a way out of the trap. Argh.. Talking about trap.. I remember the thing I shared during the family sharing time after our first Summary n Reflection — I found myself being ‘trapped’, by God’s love.. as well as by my past.
Quiet time — cekap.. learned new stuff.. a different way to do quiet time. Some of the mornings, I had to struggle.. to concentrate la. The bible verses that we meditated on during the quiet time — His words is alive!
Bible study — good, learned new stuff..  again, I’m reminded that my God is a Sovereign God.
Chapel — a time of reflection.. a time to make a covenant with God. Lord, help me to be what I have promised You to be. Should I forget, please remind me, Lord.

I can see a different me.. before n after camp.. although itz not a drastic change.. but itz still — ‘changed’. I learned.. from being the mama.. from each n everyone of the NeriNUTS..

The last Summary n Reflection, I listed down some things that serve as encouragment for me, and things that challenge me. There are a lot of challenges.. but, I have the most-cekap Encourager, the Holy Spirit.

Give me life in Thy ways……
keep me burning, burning, burning.. I pray..

Ooppss… I’m not supposed to go online today.. I told myself.. "don’t go online today…!!" Argh.. nvm.. HAHA.. Received the phone call from Grandms Swee Kit.. aiyor, miz her la.. her gila-ness.. muahahaha..
Tried to retrieve some of my posts in blogspot..

These are my posts — before I cabut to Cameron..

Post 1.2nd May 06 **

Hmm..
today went to get a new haircut… hmm… mushroom head.. that’s what my sister
said to me.. argh.. i take it as a compliment.. gosh.. actually itz not that
bad la.. haha.. quite cute.. duh.. Haih.. nothing much to do in Ipoh.. didn’t get to drive that often
coz my sister just passed her driving test.. need to practise, kononnya.. Her
driving skills.. duh.. teruk la, even for ‘freshies’.. hahahah.. She gonna kill
me if she reads this.. but anyway, she wont get to read.. hehe..Finally.. finished reading the book Passion and
Purity. Going to start reading another book..

The
cekap-est thing I did these few days was.. SLeep…. for the whole afternoon from 2-6++pm..
wake up just on time for dinner.. haha..

I’m
amazed by what He has done.."YOu thrill me, LORD, with all you
have done for me! I sing for joy because of what you have done." Ps. 92:4

"Teach me your ways, O
LORD, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of heart, that I
may honor you." Ps. 86:11**

Post 2. 1st May 06** My Friends

I thank God for who He is.. "Faithfulness is Your very character…"Ps. 89:8

I thank God for Friends……. PKV gang wei..
*Adelene — for being a super cekap fren
*Erica — for jaga-ing me
*MunYee — for ur advice n guidance in doing the Follow-up thingy
* Pui Yee — for taking care of me, never let me get hungry every time when I’m in B208
*Ivan- my buddy
*Jean Nee — for ur care n oso share
* Kok How — my Ex-CG leader
*Chihui — for her sms-es with words of encouragement
* Suit Lin — u encouraged me a lot
*Chai Yee — u r so cekap n efficient

Hmm… still got a long list.. nvm.. next time la..

Camp Cameron 2006…. I’m coming wei…..

Post 3.** 30th April 06 BUSY-NYA

I have been kinda busy for these 2 days.. went to help out in my grandpa’s restaurant.. for the whole day.. erm, to be exact, actually itz only for half a day, coz I worked from 9-3pm.. argh.. but itz not easy to work in a restaurant, esp for panas baran people like me.. can get very bengang at times, esp when there are many people during lunch hour.. argh.. but sometimes it can be quite fun although itz super tiring.

Hmmm, tmrow will go back to samtet to visit my teachers.. hehe.. go there n gila with them.. kekeke..

Post 4. **29th April 06 FES part 2.. my last night in PJ.. b4 going back to Ipoh

Ya, tonight is my last night here.. in PJ.. in 4th college.. sitting in front of the dewan santapan again.. listening to Hillsong United– United We Stand.
I really enjoyed these few days.. since tuesday nite until now.. friday nite.. it was so fun.. had a lot of cekap moments with my frens.. Gonna miss them..

Erica n I spent the whole day in FES.. the banner is so nice.. CAMP CAMERON d’ villa. Ya, because of KC n Erica.. cekap ideas.. they r very creative! Again, my task there is just to compile notes.. haha.. but I was very tired la.. slept a while in the super cold room after compiling the notes.. one thing I learned in within 2 days — dun ever mess with FES staff.. haha..

Just now we went to seksyen 14 McD for dinner… same gang la, Erica, Tux, Pui Yee, Ivan, n I.. and shucks.. forgot the girl’s name.. sorry la, I’m quite bad with names. Ahem.. kononnya dinner… at 10pm! Again la.. some people ar.. came to fetch us from UT at 9.40.. Pui yee n I were so hungry.. erica was so tired.. at first we went to seksyen 17.. went there ordered drinks d baru tahu the stalls closed d.. wat is this la.. but nvm la, got to makan : McD DOUBLE CHEESE burger!!!! Yay!!!
Suddenly i felt very depressed.. very sad.. coz I’m going back to Ipoh tmrow morning.. First time ever I felt so sad coz I’m leaving PJ for 2 months.. Ain’t I’m supposed to be super happy coz I’m going back to Ipoh???

I need the one week to prepare myself for the Camp Cam.. I really need this camp.. to help me to think thru’ a lot of stuffs which r kinda bothering me right now.. I guess there’s sth for me to learn.. hmm.. This has always been the ’super’ reminder for me..

"Seek FIRST the Kingdom of God.. "

Post 5. ** 28th April 06 Wonderful nite

Yesterday.. besides that cekap incident in FES.. hmm.. it was a good day for me.. in fact, its a very good day.. haha.. went to makan at an Indian shop.. wat la, waited for some people la.. said 8.30pm.. we have to wait till about 9pm.. so hungry wei. Had a fun time there ‘interrogating’ kok how.. muahahaha.. so ‘gan cheong’ to clarify.. explain.. hmm.. there must be something one la, not letting us know.

Later I’ll have to go to FES again with Erica to continue doing the banner. Argh.. 2 months in Ipoh.. gonna miss my frens-super cekap frens in PJ-KL-Kampar.. hahaha, not to forget.. Banting wei!!!

Post 6. **27th April 06 What a day

Hmm.. now I’m waiting to go back to my hometown. This morning went to FES to help out with the preparation for the Camp Cameron 06′. I had a fun time there.. compiled all the notes.. started doing the banner for the chalets.. O.. itz just another one week plus to go.. then I’ll be in Cameron for 3 weeks. Argh.. I wonder how m I going to survive without a computer.. couldn’t online..

Something ’scary’ happened just now.. I was kinda shocked with the question.. when I was compiling the notes.. together with KC, n Eri was doing the banner. Dunno how 3 of us ended up talking about that subject.. "BANG….!!" KC got the right person just with a super simple question which I won’t type out here.. haha.. I was like.. speechless.. argh.. what is this wei.. she is so hebat! Super observant!

Hmm.. nothing much I can do but to wait upon God. I know that He has His best interest on me.

~~~~~~~~~~~******~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yayaya.. these are the posts.. before I went to Camp Cameron…

Argh… all my post in blogspot.. gone.. now setting up a new one.. sigh..

I came back from Camerons on Saturday.. I was stucked in Camerons for 3 weeks.. being cut off from the world.. no network connection for me eventhough other 016 users got line.. but, itz a good thing for me.. to have some time to myself.

Haih.. now suffering from camp sick.. really miss my Neriton family.. usually by 2.30pm, we’ll have our siesta.. now no one will halau us to bed.. I miss my grandmas, Aunty, Papa, sons n daughters.. I miss my ‘home’.. 

The 3 weeks in Camp CAm.. it was super cekap.. super fun.. I learned a lot from it.. all the sessions.. Kingdom of GOd, Redeeming RElationships, Bible study, Chapel, Discovering Personal Mission n Ministry.. etc.. somemore got GAmes  n Leisure..

Thru’ the sessions.. i was kinda ‘forced’ to look back into my past.. to face my brokenness.. to let God redeem the parts of life I’ve lost over the years.. Did a lot of thinking n reflection.. to think thru certain things.. it amazes me to see how God can speak to me thru’ people.. thru’ the sessions.. and even thru’ games.. to help me know a bit more about myself. As I looked back on the 3 weeks there.. I met Him there.. My God.. The God who turns ASHES into BEAUTY..

At first.. i was kinda fearful n worried.. coz I’m the Mama of Neriton.. the first nite there, I dreamt of the whole Neriton family, the 2nd nite-dreamt of the grandmas of Neriton.. from this u can see how stressed I was then.

OUr family–super cekap la.. the family bond.. it really encourages me a lot.. WE are the NUTTY family.. everyone oso a bit ’siao’ one.. NeriNUTS.. haha.. I really enjoyed the time we spent together.. makan-ing, sharing, outing, gila-ing, dancing.. singing.. etc etc..

Neriton NUTS.. Grandma Kim Cheng, Grandma Swee Kit, Aunty Anh, Papa Yu Soon, Sui ying, JUn, Yen, Fatrina, Wai Sing, Melalyn, Su Yen, Chris, JAson, Jessica n Ting Ting.. thank you so much.. all the things u guys have shown me — took away my worries n stress a mama.. Just wanna tell u guys how much I appreciate the love u showed towards each other, taking care of each other.. cheering for each other to continue to journey with our awesome God.

Hmm.. let’s continue to keep each other in prayer.. Take care n God bless ya!